For many years now I have been sending a strong message about my belief that the word “should” is language that has no real use in the English language. My reasoning being that it could easily be substituted with “I could”, “I want to” or “I choose to” which is much more empowering and suggests that the value behind the action belongs to the individual rather than from outside (mother, father, peers, media etc.). Today I have to admit to realising that another interpretation is possible when someone is stating, “I should… tell her, visit him, do that etc.” And again, it is to do with the issue of values.
We know that under very different circumstances, lying, stealing or even killing have a justifiable reason. Take the war in Israel. People involved would say they are justified for killing. (I find it ironic that a cease fire to allow people to buy groceries is considered necessary). Let’s make sure we have breakfast before we die. But I am not writing this to comment on anyone’s choices. Simply to acknowledge that when people say “I should” it may well be indicating that they are torn between two of their own internal values.
I could cite many cases where this occurs.- “I should tell her but don’t want to cause hurt.”
- “I should change my eating patterns but don’t want to feel unhappy or deprived.”
- “I should cut down on alcohol but want to feel relaxed at night.”
As McKay says, “The right answer for me may be different from the right answer for you, and the right answer for me in my present circumstances may be different from the right answer for me in another set of circumstances.”
Reference: Hugh McKay, Right and Wrong – how to decide for yourself (2004)